Soulful Sex

I am excited when I meet with couples who understand that there is more to sexual loving than their catalogue of techniques or their physiological response. My heart sings when someone (or two) is searching for the deeper connection with another that defies scientific explanation. It is not about the adrenaline which pours into one's system with a caress or is driven by one's sexual fantasies.

No matter which school of thought to which one belongs, there really is more to sex than making babies or achieving orgasm. If either of these becomes the central goal of lovemaking, it is no longer about the connection with one's beloved. Sexual sharing threatens to become nothing more than need or greed when one forgets to be open to give and receive without reservation.

The classic text of Jewish mysticism, The Zohar, suggests that there are 3 points of unity that occur when two are engaged in soulful sex. When sharing a kiss, there is an exchange of life breath. Our life breath is a gift from the Creator. It comes when we are born into the physical world and stops when our flesh has died. As automatic as the beat of one's heart, it continues throughout the throes of passion. Physical touch is the second component. As two bodies are intertwined they become as one flesh. Skin against skin provides both soft resistance and even softer yielding. One becomes unsure of where their body ends and the other begins. Last (or maybe I should say "first") the opportunity to gaze into each others eyes with true openness is the window which opens us to be one in spirit with our beloved. (My thanks to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach for his insights in his book, Kosher Sex.)

It takes awareness and practice to achieve this deep unity. In so doing, the human body has the ability to achieve an ecstasy beyond that which you can imagine. What we imagine is limited by our ability to imagine or by what someone has taught us is possible or morally acceptable.

I personally desire that deepness with my partner. When we are both in that kind of awareness, it creates a Holy intimacy between us that is breathtaking. Do we get to soulful sex every time we make love? Not yet. We both must bring our authentic selves to the bedroom. And that takes practice and a desire to give and receive fully and with love.

Revelationary Love

I really want to talk to you about your love life. Not just love in the bedroom, but Love that transforms your life.

Love in the bedroom forever changed after Peter committed to marriage with me. (That word "committed" is important.) After the commitment was sanctified with a rite of marriage and dedication of our commitment to God, there was a significant change in our sexual sharing. We both noticed a deeper, more spirit-filled experience when we shared the touch of our sexual expression.

In other words, the best sexual experiences I've ever had have been with the person who was honored to make that commitment with me!

Then and only then did I believe that I was absolutely loved and totally adored and valued beyond measure. Confidently knowing these things slowly laid the groundwork I needed to be willing to open myself shamelessly to Peter and to that Love. That Love is God in the bedroom with you.

We are not talking technique here. We are talking about our ability to give of ourselves abundantly. That Love is the radical Love that Jesus teaches. If we hold onto even the smallest piece of grudge or judgement, Love cannot fill us entirely so that we may give the gift of love abundantly. What are we holding back for? What are we holding back from? Holding back is not the love that Jesus taught. "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another." (John 13.34 NRSV) Jesus loved us fully and expansively and commanded us to do the same.

Let me show you that God is in your bedroom. You may intimately touch your equal partner and thereby glorify God. We are not asked to give ourselves away. We are required to give our love away. Your Self remains whole and complete as two spirits touch.

Authenticity. Intimacy. Unity.

Make Unity Holy.

Born Again In Love

Blameless in God's sight. Shameless in God's image. That is how every baby is born. That is the sole software with which this little biocomputer is born. These little biocomputers were designed to give and receive 100% love. There must be something extremely difficult about choosing to be born in the flesh for God's delight. For what other reason would any of us ever choose fear or shame?

Some of us were taught about the "sanctity" of human life. Does sanctification signify a separation?  How many couples do you suppose ever treat sexual touching as sacred rather than carnal? How many men and women actually treat their partner as a beloved gift? How many people remember how to give and receive love?

I want to remember. I want to be reborn. I want to share loving while conscious of God's divine plan for humanity. I want to always choose prayer and play before pornography. I invite God into my erotic thoughts and pictures. I might as well since She is there whether I bid her or not.

Always in God's hands. That's how I choose to experience sensual touch.