Soulful Sex

I am excited when I meet with couples who understand that there is more to sexual loving than their catalogue of techniques or their physiological response. My heart sings when someone (or two) is searching for the deeper connection with another that defies scientific explanation. It is not about the adrenaline which pours into one's system with a caress or is driven by one's sexual fantasies.

No matter which school of thought to which one belongs, there really is more to sex than making babies or achieving orgasm. If either of these becomes the central goal of lovemaking, it is no longer about the connection with one's beloved. Sexual sharing threatens to become nothing more than need or greed when one forgets to be open to give and receive without reservation.

The classic text of Jewish mysticism, The Zohar, suggests that there are 3 points of unity that occur when two are engaged in soulful sex. When sharing a kiss, there is an exchange of life breath. Our life breath is a gift from the Creator. It comes when we are born into the physical world and stops when our flesh has died. As automatic as the beat of one's heart, it continues throughout the throes of passion. Physical touch is the second component. As two bodies are intertwined they become as one flesh. Skin against skin provides both soft resistance and even softer yielding. One becomes unsure of where their body ends and the other begins. Last (or maybe I should say "first") the opportunity to gaze into each others eyes with true openness is the window which opens us to be one in spirit with our beloved. (My thanks to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach for his insights in his book, Kosher Sex.)

It takes awareness and practice to achieve this deep unity. In so doing, the human body has the ability to achieve an ecstasy beyond that which you can imagine. What we imagine is limited by our ability to imagine or by what someone has taught us is possible or morally acceptable.

I personally desire that deepness with my partner. When we are both in that kind of awareness, it creates a Holy intimacy between us that is breathtaking. Do we get to soulful sex every time we make love? Not yet. We both must bring our authentic selves to the bedroom. And that takes practice and a desire to give and receive fully and with love.

Revelationary Love

I really want to talk to you about your love life. Not just love in the bedroom, but Love that transforms your life.

Love in the bedroom forever changed after Peter committed to marriage with me. (That word "committed" is important.) After the commitment was sanctified with a rite of marriage and dedication of our commitment to God, there was a significant change in our sexual sharing. We both noticed a deeper, more spirit-filled experience when we shared the touch of our sexual expression.

In other words, the best sexual experiences I've ever had have been with the person who was honored to make that commitment with me!

Then and only then did I believe that I was absolutely loved and totally adored and valued beyond measure. Confidently knowing these things slowly laid the groundwork I needed to be willing to open myself shamelessly to Peter and to that Love. That Love is God in the bedroom with you.

We are not talking technique here. We are talking about our ability to give of ourselves abundantly. That Love is the radical Love that Jesus teaches. If we hold onto even the smallest piece of grudge or judgement, Love cannot fill us entirely so that we may give the gift of love abundantly. What are we holding back for? What are we holding back from? Holding back is not the love that Jesus taught. "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another." (John 13.34 NRSV) Jesus loved us fully and expansively and commanded us to do the same.

Let me show you that God is in your bedroom. You may intimately touch your equal partner and thereby glorify God. We are not asked to give ourselves away. We are required to give our love away. Your Self remains whole and complete as two spirits touch.

Authenticity. Intimacy. Unity.

Make Unity Holy.

Born Again In Love

Blameless in God's sight. Shameless in God's image. That is how every baby is born. That is the sole software with which this little biocomputer is born. These little biocomputers were designed to give and receive 100% love. There must be something extremely difficult about choosing to be born in the flesh for God's delight. For what other reason would any of us ever choose fear or shame?

Some of us were taught about the "sanctity" of human life. Does sanctification signify a separation?  How many couples do you suppose ever treat sexual touching as sacred rather than carnal? How many men and women actually treat their partner as a beloved gift? How many people remember how to give and receive love?

I want to remember. I want to be reborn. I want to share loving while conscious of God's divine plan for humanity. I want to always choose prayer and play before pornography. I invite God into my erotic thoughts and pictures. I might as well since She is there whether I bid her or not.

Always in God's hands. That's how I choose to experience sensual touch.

Touching Our Aliveness

Aliveness. Animating energy. Divine vibration.

No matter what you call it, maybe we can all agree that it is an electrical energy that courses through our flesh. There is measurable electrical energy in the body: brain waves, neural stimulation of muscles.

Or maybe not... Maybe we can only agree that it is the Breath - the Holy breath which animates the flesh. (Genesis 2 v.7) How do you identify it if you have never noticed it?

Let me attempt to describe what it feels like - to me anyway. Liken it to creating static electricity as you drag your feet on the carpet and then touch something. It creates a tingly shock. Now try to feel millions of these microscopic bursts inside your skin, everywhere, all of the time. Go quiet. Be still.

And be aware of it alone.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot.

When I started to write down my theology of sexuality through this blog, I wasn't smart enough to realize that was indeed what I was doing. And I had no comprehension of the amount of negative energy that would be sent in my direction. Guess what feelings it brought up -- feelings of shame. The very thing I am recovering from and that many cradle Christians want to recover from. I know your pain. And I realized 2 things:

1) it was time to stop equivocating and
2) I needed Divine backup.

I guess I was praying as I kept asking, "Where are the texts about the Christian sacred sexual tradition?"

Now I ask, "Why must Sex be demeaned to the level to which we allow it to be prostituted, abused, snuffed-out and defiled?" This is the mindset that allows shame to be used as a instrument of control, especially around our sexual experiences. By agreeing to operate (to judge, actually) from that level, we enculturate these same immoralities. I believe that it is not the sanctified act of sexual touch that is immoral. (A touch full of love is really a prayer of thanksgiving. Another blog. . .)

Immorality is engaging in this sense centered physical relating without a heart full of as much loving and giving as it can hold. That is immoral. Where ego and hate are employed in the use of sex for selfish reasons, then that becomes an immoral act.

That's where The Gospel of Mary Magdalene comes in. I prayed for sacred texts and kept receiving books from friends about Mary Magdalene and finding books about her gospel and it's place in early Christianity. The fragments of her gospel which still exist point us to the importance of authenticity in living our lives, the need for intimacy as one way to experience love and, above all, unity with the source of all Love. These are also the components of Divine Intimacy with a beloved partner as well.

The Magdalene's texts also reveal the amount of hatred toward women which was being perpetuated in the world even then. That very inequality of men and women is created from the ego. When there is any distraction by ego, then love is replaced with anger, hurt, shame and judgement. But it is only 100% Love that provides the tools humanity requires to build the "Community of Godness" on Earth.

I finally stopped equivocating.

Join me on this journey of discovery. Let's explore all the hurt that rides in on the coattails of sex. Then we will extract the hurt from our Love play, a place where those feelings do not belong. When we can fill that newly found place with self-love, then we will more fully love the other and discover the transcendence of the sacred sexual experience. AMEN

Acknowledging the Sacred in Prayer

A PRAYER BEFORE SEX

You are everything I dreamed of.
Thank you, God.
I love to look at you, as I love to be seen by you.
Thank you, God.
This gift we have is like nothing I have ever experienced before.
Bold and beautiful. Electricity and velvet.
For this we thank you, God.
When I hold you in my arms I breathe "Thank you, God." As you pull me close to you I feel that energy which courses through you and swallow the words, "Thank you, God."
And my heart sings.
Thank you, God.
Amen.

It was the day before St. Valentine's Day. We had yet to touch each other. My husband looked deep into my eyes and began to tell me how wonderful it is when we come together to share our bodies. I know this sharing is a gift that God has given us and after each positive, affirming statement, I began to say "thank you, God" or some variation of that response. It felt very powerful and I said "Amen" at the end (or now wish that I had said "Amen" or, at the very least, "so be it.") We proceeded to the other room where we began to surrender to our lovemaking. Then -- we had the most powerful sexual experience we had ever had.

I wonder if I can describe the differentness of it?

It was the lights and the fire, both externally and internally. It was that weightless, less than a moment place. The place that's gone almost before you perceive it. It is as if the two of us are connected in timeless space. Physical and yet not. Silent -- even as the noises of home continue around us. We found ourselves in a new experience, physically and internally. The energy that passed between us conjoined us in an ultra-ecstasy we had never experienced before. What is it, this electrical, buzzing sensation I have in my body? (Do you have it to?) What is it if not directly connected to God (at least in the way I understand God). Within it is a deep serenity.

Just listen. Within and beyond the physical, bodily experience. Timelessness. Something you feel on your skin and in your skin. Suspended and yet grounded.

A mystery...

Coming Out a Believer

Do everything to God's glory.

That's a tough order, especially if that something is altogether exclusive of or separate from your faith life. Do you even think about God outside of your God place? Or have you ever brought God into your sex space?

I guess I am better now than I ever used to be when I was younger at bringing God organically into my life. I don't have to focus as much energy at reframing my life to accommodate God within every facet of it.

The one area of my life in which I worked consciously and persistently to bring God into everything I do was in my sexual experiences with my husband. We would introduce -- no wait! -- we would invite the name of God into our presence by reminding ourselves that these wonderful, creative bodies are a gift from God. And now? Now there is never a sexual time for us that we don't speak of God. The word itself, when spoken, brings in the energy of divinity.

We often listen to love songs and at times we choose to replace the pronoun of the lover or the beloved with "God." Soon it is God's love that cradles and rocks us into the energy of prayer. That "greater love" hold's the space for our sexual connecting.

The result is amazing for its power to transform the body's experience of that single moment -- the pure sense of now. When truly in the now, that which the body can experience is transcendent.