What's shame got to do with it?

"The man and his wife were both naked and felt no shame."
Genesis 2.25.

What's shame got to do with it?

Do you remember the song recorded by Tina Turner -- "What's Love Got To Do With It"? While I believe love has everything to do with it, there are many who aren't able to enjoy love with sex because shame gets in the way. I once knew someone who gave up having sex with her partner because (as it was explained to me) she had too much love and respect for her. Sounds like shame to me although I didn't figure it out at the time.

Oh, what's shame got to do with it, got to do with it?
What's shame, but a second hand emotion?

We are not born with any semblance of shame. It is a learned emotion -- "second hand." When do we learn about shame? Is it the first time our mother covers our body to hide our nakedness? Is it when the little girl no longer is allowed to play without a shirt on? Or is it not until we begin to notice that our parents don't want to answer our first innocent questions about babies and where they come from? Is it learned from some religious authority figure who is so uncomfortable with their own sexual urges that they convince themselves that it must be a bad thing? When does this shame about our body and our sexual self start? And what's it about?

When, oh when did females get to be the problem? I wish the generalizations about the "provocative woman seducing the innocent man" were never again used as an excuse for extra-marital affairs or for rape. We don't even get to experience our first chance flush of desire without learning that a girl with sexual yearnings is a "bad" girl. I venture to say that most women are never given the chance to experience their first sexual encounter without feeling shame. I imagine that there are some men who also feel the same way.

Shame changes everything about sex. Shame makes us afraid and keeps us on our guard. How can I ever become truly and completely intimate with my partner if I am guardedly fearful. I can't. I would never be able to be truly authentic. That's true intimacy. I also believe it is shame that leads us to judge others who are sexually different than ourselves. The fear of judgement creates an atmosphere of secrets and we don't feel safe sharing our deepest desires with the one we love.

Ultimately, shame keeps us from being truly intimate both physically and emotionally with our life partner. We focus on hiding instead of revealing, not just our physical selves but our incarnated spirit selves as well. It is then impossible to embrace our wholeness as body and spirit. Our story of Adam and Eve reveals that when we hide from each other in this way, we hide from our own most sacred self.