Ever wonder when it is each of us begins to trust somebody?
You don't begin to trust because you are "loved enough" by someone. You begin to trust when you both fully respect each other.There is not enough love to make you trust when you are not also respected.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Love and Respect
The main ingredients for a sacred sexual encounter include love and respect. This probably sounds mundane but both of these expressions of any sacred relationship with one's sexual partner are underrated and misunderstood. Love and respect must precede a sacred sexual encounter.
We all believe we know what love is. We read about it in poetry. It is described in great detail in great novels. We observe it as we watch a movie. We hear it described in a love song, be it maudlin or cheerful. It is so much easier to read it or watch or hear it than it is to live it. We believe it to be that flush of desire we feel when we begin a new relationship with that perfect person. (We all know that it's really the hormones, but we simply choose to believe otherwise.)
So who is that perfect person? Does "the one" love you or respect you? You can have respect for someone without being in love with that other. You can never have love without respect. Anything else is a faux love. Respect is the necessary ingredient.
Respect must come first.
I thought long and hard about how I would define respect for another. Here goes. Respect is acknowledging the other. It is:
~ to honor
~ to listen
~ taking care of yourself, not them
~ to stop looking at your life and the people in it (especially your partner) casually
~ to value
There is no such thing as a little bit of respect. (That would be disrespectful!) You either have it or you don't.
For years I "forgot" to look for or, better yet, expect to be given respect from my partners. I started to believe I had to earn it since I didn't receive it. In allowing myself to be disrespected, I sabotaged any chance I had of being loved. I didn't demand respect from my partner and therefore I believed I was unloveable. I do not mean from the point of view that "there is nothing about me to love." What I realized is that I had a belief that I was unable to BE loved.
When you can't be loved you can't know love.
When you respect yourself, then respect flows easily from another person, but only when that someone knows how to respect.
True love is the total acceptance of ourself and our beloved. It is a knowing that we are believed and believed in, just as we are expected to believe equally in our partner. To love is to strive to be the person who can be believed by the other.
We all believe we know what love is. We read about it in poetry. It is described in great detail in great novels. We observe it as we watch a movie. We hear it described in a love song, be it maudlin or cheerful. It is so much easier to read it or watch or hear it than it is to live it. We believe it to be that flush of desire we feel when we begin a new relationship with that perfect person. (We all know that it's really the hormones, but we simply choose to believe otherwise.)
So who is that perfect person? Does "the one" love you or respect you? You can have respect for someone without being in love with that other. You can never have love without respect. Anything else is a faux love. Respect is the necessary ingredient.
Respect must come first.
I thought long and hard about how I would define respect for another. Here goes. Respect is acknowledging the other. It is:
~ to honor
~ to listen
~ taking care of yourself, not them
~ to stop looking at your life and the people in it (especially your partner) casually
~ to value
There is no such thing as a little bit of respect. (That would be disrespectful!) You either have it or you don't.
For years I "forgot" to look for or, better yet, expect to be given respect from my partners. I started to believe I had to earn it since I didn't receive it. In allowing myself to be disrespected, I sabotaged any chance I had of being loved. I didn't demand respect from my partner and therefore I believed I was unloveable. I do not mean from the point of view that "there is nothing about me to love." What I realized is that I had a belief that I was unable to BE loved.
When you can't be loved you can't know love.
When you respect yourself, then respect flows easily from another person, but only when that someone knows how to respect.
True love is the total acceptance of ourself and our beloved. It is a knowing that we are believed and believed in, just as we are expected to believe equally in our partner. To love is to strive to be the person who can be believed by the other.
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